Vicar and Parish FAQ: Fees, Roles and Etiquette

If you have never had much to do with a parish church, it can feel like there is an unspoken rulebook. What do you call the vicar? Who are all these people with different titles? Do you have to pay for a wedding or funeral? What should you wear, and when do you stand or sit? This vicar FAQ answers the questions people most often ask, in plain English. Practices vary between churches, so treat these as general answers and check locally.

Roles: who’s who in a parish?

What does a vicar do?

A vicar is a priest in the Church of England who has responsibility for a parish. The work is wide-ranging: leading worship, preparing and conducting weddings, baptisms and funerals, visiting people at home, in hospital and in care homes, supporting schools and community groups, praying with people, and caring for the church building and its people. Many vicars also take on administrative and leadership duties. It is rarely a nine-to-five job, but clergy are entitled to days off and holidays.

What’s the difference between a vicar, rector and priest-in-charge?

Historically the titles reflected how the post was funded. Today the differences are mostly formal, and all three roles lead a parish or group of parishes. A priest-in-charge may be in a post for a set time, rather than holding the post as a freehold. In daily conversation, you will not go wrong using “vicar” or the person’s name.

What is a curate?

A curate is a newly ordained priest or deacon learning on the job, usually for three or four years, supervised by a more experienced minister. They may lead services, visit parishioners and take weddings or funerals under guidance.

What is a churchwarden?

Churchwardens are lay people elected by the congregation to help look after the church building, its contents and its order of worship. They work closely with the vicar and have legal responsibilities, including keeping records of the church’s goods. There are normally two in each parish, and the role is unpaid.

What is the PCC?

The Parochial Church Council (PCC) is the elected governing body of a parish. It consists of the vicar, churchwardens and elected lay members. Its tasks include managing finances, maintaining the building, deciding how to support the church’s mission and carrying out legal duties. PCC meetings are usually held several times a year, and the church’s annual meeting is an opportunity for local people on the electoral roll to take part.

What does a verger, sidesperson or sexton do?

• Verger: helps with the running of services and the church building, sometimes paid, sometimes voluntary.
• Sidesperson: welcomes people at the door, hands out books and sheets, and helps with collection.
• Sexton: traditionally looks after the churchyard and graves.

Who else might I meet?

You might meet the organist, choir members, bell-ringers, church cleaners, flower arrangers, children’s workers, administrators and many volunteers. Most parish churches run mainly on volunteer effort.

Titles and etiquette

How do I address a vicar?

You can usually say “Vicar” or “Reverend [surname]”, or use their first name if they invite you to. In writing, “Dear Reverend [surname]” or “Dear Revd [name]” is fine. For more senior clergy such as an archdeacon or bishop there are formal styles, but for a parish vicar, politeness and warmth are what matter. Many modern clergy are happy to be called by their first name.

What should I wear to church?

There is no strict dress code in most Church of England churches. Wear something comfortable and respectful. For weddings, funerals and christenings, smart clothes are customary. At funerals, dark or muted colours are traditional, but many families now ask guests to wear something bright. Check the invitation or ask the family.

When do we stand, sit or kneel?

Congregations often stand to sing hymns, sit for readings and talks, and kneel or sit for prayers. Do not worry if you are unsure. Follow the people around you and the instructions in the order of service. Nobody expects visitors to know the routine.

Do I have to say the responses or sing?

No. You can join in as much or as little as you like. Order of service booklets usually print the words.

Can I take photographs in church?

Rules vary. Weddings and baptisms may allow photography with the vicar’s permission, while some churches limit it during services. Always ask first and avoid flash if requested.

Is it OK to bring children?

Yes. Churches generally welcome children, and many have activities or quiet corners. A little noise is normal.

What about phones?

Please silence them. It is polite to avoid using phones during the service, apart from where photography is permitted.

Fees and money

Do I have to pay to get married in church?

Yes, there are fees for a Church of England wedding, which cover legal elements and some church costs. These are set nationally and reviewed periodically. Extra charges may apply for the organist, choir, bell-ringers, heating and flowers.

Do I have to pay for a funeral?

Funeral fees include a fee for the service and for burial or cremation-related matters. The funeral director normally includes these in the estimate as third-party costs. The fees are set nationally.

Do I have to pay for a baptism?

In the Church of England there is no fee for baptism, though you may be asked for a contribution towards costs or for a certificate.

What if I can’t afford the fees?

Speak to the vicar or parish office. They may be able to explain options, such as reducing optional extras or finding other ways to manage costs. Do not let money prevent you from making an enquiry.

Who pays the vicar?

Clergy are paid through the Church of England’s national and diocesan arrangements, funded in large part by giving from parishioners and income from historic assets. Wedding and funeral fees paid by families are passed on to the church and diocese, not kept personally by the vicar.

Is the church funded by the state?

No. The Church of England is the established church, but its parishes largely rely on voluntary giving, fundraising and income from investments and property, with some grants for specific projects, such as repairs to historic buildings.

Should I put money in the collection?

If you wish. Visitors are welcome to give but are not expected to. Some churches also accept card donations.

Practical questions

Can anyone attend a service?

Yes. Church services are open to all. You do not have to be a member or have been baptised.

Do I have to receive communion?

No. In many Church of England services, anyone who is baptised and ready may receive communion, though practice varies. If you do not wish to receive, you can stay in your seat or go forward for a blessing, usually indicated by crossing your arms over your chest or holding your hands open. The vicar will explain what is usual in that church.

Can I visit the church outside services?

Many churches are open during the day for visitors, prayer and reflection. Opening hours vary, so check the church’s website or noticeboard.

Can I ask the vicar for advice or prayer?

Yes. Many people approach vicars for support with illness, bereavement, relationship difficulties or simply to talk. The conversation will be confidential in most circumstances, though there are limits where safeguarding concerns arise.

How do I contact the vicar?

Check the church noticeboard, website or the national church locator for contact details. Email or a message through the parish office is usually the easiest. Our guide on finding your local parish church explains how to identify your parish and make contact.

Is it okay to ask a vicar about doubts or questions about faith?

Absolutely. Most clergy welcome questions and honesty. The church is not a place only for people with fixed beliefs.

Will the vicar judge me?

Generally, no. Clergy are used to meeting people in all kinds of circumstances. If you are anxious, you can say so at the start of the conversation.

Church services and calendar

What are the main services?

• Sunday worship: Holy Communion, Morning Prayer or Evensong, depending on the church.
• Festivals: Christmas, Easter and Harvest, with special services.
• Occasional offices: weddings, baptisms and funerals.
• Midweek services: quiet prayer, said communion or community events.

What is Evensong?

A traditional evening service of prayers, psalms and canticles, often with a choir. Many people enjoy the music and calm atmosphere.

What happens at a Remembrance service?

Churches often hold services on or near Remembrance Sunday in November, with a two-minute silence, readings and the laying of wreaths. Local communities and organisations often take part.

When something goes wrong

What if I have a complaint about a church or vicar?

Start by raising it politely with the vicar or churchwarden. If it is not resolved, you can contact the diocese. The Church of England has formal procedures for serious concerns.

What if I have a safeguarding concern?

Contact the parish safeguarding officer or the diocesan safeguarding team. If anyone is in immediate danger, call the emergency services.

Frequently asked questions

Do I need to be religious to ask the vicar for help?

No. Vicars serve the whole parish, whether or not people attend services.

Can I wear jeans to church?

In most cases, yes, unless you are attending a formal service such as a wedding or funeral. Wear what you are comfortable in.

Can the vicar refuse to marry us?

In some circumstances, such as legal impediments or issues of conscience in certain cases. If you have a right to marry in your parish, the vicar should explain clearly and help you find alternatives if necessary.

What should I do if I’m nervous about visiting?

Go to a quiet service or a weekday event, or send a short email to introduce yourself. Most churches are friendlier than visitors expect.

How to Find Your Local Parish Church
Church of England Weddings: A Plain-English Guide

Conclusion

The parish may seem to have its own language, but behind the titles and traditions is a group of people trying to serve their community. Knowing who does what, how fees work and a few points of etiquette can make a first contact much easier. When in doubt, ask. Most vicars and church members are glad to explain and happy to see new faces.